Author Alexander takes on the Dragon’s Back Race and shares the four lessons about running and life that he learnt along the way.
Hold on to your ear muffs, Cumbria’s favourite fell-top polemicist, jigsaw enthusiast and woodland wanderer is back; this time to tackle a few seasonal myths (as in untruths, not female moths) and help keep your feet fellside-up during these tougher months. As we head into the darker evenings of Autumn and Winter, we recall the words of poet Dylan Thomas, “Do not go gentle into that good night…Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”, but Dylan Thomas didn’t know jack about fell running so here’s Bobby Gard-Storry instead.
Ahhh… autumn.
-umn as in ‘umm… can we just have a bit more summer, please?’, ‘umm… I’m not sure I want to go outside in that pouring rain’ and ‘umm… can’t we just skip to the snowy bit now?’.
It’s a confusing time. One moment it’s 20 degrees and you’re basking in glorious evening sunshine as you skip merrily along, golden leaves fluttering about your head. Then before you know it, it’s pitch black at half-past five, and somehow managing to sleet down your back and up your nose at the same time.
For those of us who work outside, it’s a painful time of year. I can either take the awful days off, and suffer while I run, or take the nice days off, and suffer while I work. In all cases, mud features heavily. So is it any wonder that instead of slaving away out there with cracked fingers and numb toes, you find me here at the keyboard instead, imparting my vast autumnal running wisdom to you all?
Just like all the best snippets of fortune cookie nonsense, each of my recommendations has an equally convincing – and some would say completely contradictory – piece of advice. But if they do say that, you can tell straight away that they’re not an ‘autumn person’, because that’s just the way that autumn is: confusing, tumultuous, liminal. It can’t make up its mind.
So sit back with a cup of whatever sugary concoction barely identifiable as coffee that they’re serving in the coffee shops this time of year, and play a quick game of ‘choose your own (autumn) adventure’ with me.
1a. Be Wimpy, Start Really Warm
You heard me.
Okay, at the height of summer, when a slight breeze ruffles your hair as you step out of the car, the appropriate reaction is to pull yourself together and just get going, because those short shorts and vest are going to feel pretty toasty in a few minutes’ time.
But in the darker months, trying to convince yourself to start cold is just a recipe for not leaving the house at all. If what it takes to get you trotting down the lane is donning an insulated jacket and earmuffs, then do it, and just take a bag with you, knowing very well that within five minutes you’ll be ready to rip that top off like Hulk Hogan entering the wrestling ring.
After all, it’s important to understand that ‘be bold, start cold’ requires you to use your willpower, which is a finite resource. If it’s pitch black and freezing cold when the alarm goes off to start the day, you’ll be much better-off saving that precious willpower for dealing with Joanne from the office, when she emails you at 4:50pm to ask you to ‘please action this today’. Jokes on you Joanne: this morning I went for a run in fleece-lined leggings with a hot-water-bottle strapped to my back, so aint nothing gonna bring me down today.
Ninety percent of the fight is just getting out the door.
1b. Go Forth and Endure
But don’t molly-coddle yourself. The world is a cold, hard place, and the sooner you get used to that, the better.
As soon as you feel that first real snap in the air, you pack up your camping gear and you damn well go out there and you pitch that tent and you bloody well lie there in the cold trying to sleep, and you listen to that wind flapping the flysheet corner that you didn’t quite peg out correctly, and you taste that drip of snot running from your nose…
Because Winter Is Coming. So you’d best be ready for it.
2a. Take A Break
Yes, there are late summer ultras. Yes, there are fell running relays. And yes, there are short winter race series to be had. But isn’t it time for a rest, for heavens’ sake? If there is ever a time to dial things down a bit, it’s at the back-end of the year, when your body will presumably be crying out for mercy after a summers’ relentless pummelling.
Running is a choice, and there is no shame in choosing not to do it, for a little while, or a long while. Life moves in cycles, and if a re-balance is needed, there is no better time than now. Contrary to what grindset culture might have you believe, taking a day, a week or even a month ‘off’ doesn’t mean that you’re giving up, or that you lack ambition. Your preparations for whatever it is you want to do next can – and will – wait.
Unless of course you’ve timed everything perfectly to build up to the highlight of the fell racing year, on the final weekend of October, in which case…
2b. Do the OMM
As much as it pains me to concede the point to my corporate overlords, the Original Mountain Marathon is actually quite a special event, which will brings you face to face with some of the harshest and most challenging conditions you could ever hope to find in whatever godforsaken corner of these islands the organisers have chosen to drag us all to.
Doing a thing like the OMM will make you feel alive, and possibly by the end of the weekend – after the billionth mile of tussock hopping and the umpteenth false summit – make you feel like you’d quite like to try living a very different kind of life. Perhaps one that doesn’t involve trench foot. But don’t worry, just like having children, this negative feeling will fade before it’s time for the next one.
I haven’t actually been asked to include anything to do with the brand in this article. I just fear that if I don’t, the powers that be at OMM HQ might start questioning whether there is any actual useful content for their customers in these articles, or whether they’re just wall-to-wall fluff. And if you do enjoy wall-to-wall fluff (at a superb weight to warmth ratio) you really should check out their snazzy range of fleeces…>will that do?<
3a. Get Fast
Think about it. The faster you go, the warmer you will be, and the quicker you’ll get back home to escape the never-ending malaise of murk and mud. Forget about all those long summer days spent scampering across the high tops as carefree as a bird; autumn is the time to knuckle down and get quick. Short, sharp, intense runs. Words like ‘intervals’, ‘efforts’ and ‘reps’ come to mind (but you’ll have to consult someone who actually knows about running to explain to you what they involve).
By the time Christmas rolls around, you’ll be at the absolute pinnacle of your fast-twitch powers, right in time to stop running entirely for two weeks, gorge yourself on cheese and crackers, put on a few kilograms via intimate knowledge of the chocolate box, and feel as though the only sport you could manage right now is some rolling around of your own.
Or you could just avoid all that silly speedwork entirely, and focus on…
3b. All About The Bass
…base. The sleepier months of the calendar are indeed the time when dreams are made. Every springtime finish line reached, every summertime trophy hoisted aloft, every weekend adventure enjoyed throughout the lighter days, are all only possible because of the mindless miles put in over the endless weeks of autumn and winter. Contrary to what your circadian rhythms are trying to tell you, this is the moment to up the mileage, and slowly but surely construct a foundation of fitness as solid as the mountains themselves.
Aren’t the inspiration-peddlers and success-gurus always talking about committing to ‘the process’ these days? I think they mean that doing lots of boring stuff now lays the groundwork for a little bit of really great stuff later. Annoyingly, they’re mostly right about that. And on that note…
4a. Get Comfortable In Your Rut
It’s the time of year to accept that inspiration might not strike. You may well find yourself falling into slightly tedious running routines, treading the same ground again and again. That’s ok. You’re allowed to have comfort routes, for the times when motivation is low.
And in the service of turning lemons into lemonade (or uh, pumpkins into pumpkin lattes?), this monotony can serve as perfect mental endurance training. As you complete your very own version of the Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence Race around your local park, you may be hard-pressed to remember exactly what benefit this is bringing you, or why you even care about running at all. Never fear: doubt is the first step on the path to enlightenment. Embrace the trudge. Embrace the darkness. Focus on the little disc of light cast by the beam your headtorch, and just run.
4b. Change It Up!
But don’t just do the same thing all the time. Boring!
Embrace the autumn-ness of the autumn! Seek out broadleaf woodlands to explore, revel in the suddenly bracken-free slopes of a route that you could barely see just a few months ago, and get excited for the winter to come. Notice what’s new about familiar places (and practice your nav in them). Every season has its charms, after all, and its opportunities for change. Whatever you did in the summer, time to throw things in the air a bit, and see what happens.
It seems that prevailing running wisdom encourages us to think of ourselves as running ‘farmers’. Farmers have a plan: they know what’s coming up and what time of year, and they prepare in advance for it, they hedge their bets against potential losses, and look for small improvements.
But maybe this autumn, you should try being a running hunter-gatherer instead.
Hunter-gatherers find what they need as they need it, they trust that their surroundings will provide for them, they feast when the opportunity arises, and just try to survive the lean times. To put this in running terms: worry about the ‘plan’ later, instead do what feels good, fun, right, exciting or possible, right now. It’s the perfect time of year to loosen up and experiment.
5. Be Ready
Last but not least, be ready. There’s no flipside to this one, it’s just common sense. It’s colder, it’s wetter, it’s darker: so take a warm layer, take your waterproofs, take a torch.
I think maybe the Americans call it Fall because that’s exactly what we do at this time of year. The rocks are wet and slippy. The leaves are wet and slippy. And the icy patch always strikes where you least expected it. So it’s important to remember that it’s not about what you need with you while you’re happily trotting along, it’s about what you need with you when you’ve broken your leg and have to sit down and wait for a couple of hours until help arrives.
Any reputable brand will be able to provide you with the layers and the kit that you need. But a mountain rescue member who’s a good friend of mine did let slip that the waterproofs which look the most fetching while you lie on the stretcher, are OMM waterproofs. They scream ‘I’m a very competent mountain person’ to your rescuers. Which is presumably something that they might need convincing of in that particular moment. Just saying.
(Please note, my Mountain Rescue friend said nothing of the sort. Mountain Rescuers do not usually attribute accidents to a lack of competence. They also do not discriminate based on the brand of your kit. But the outdoor fashionistas do, and surely the only thing worse than personal injury is injury to ones’ reputation for good taste?)
So get out there!
Or, you know, don’t.
Because sometimes at this time of year it’s absolutely disgusting weather, and instead of getting out there, you could sit at home in your slippers, with a brew, and scroll mindlessly through the OMM blog, chortling hysterically at what this absolute comedian of a man has said now. You will have an infinitely more enjoyable time… and yet somehow feel worse about yourself.
Either you go for a run and feel smug, but cold. Or you stay in and feel guilty, but warm. Either way, you can’t really lose. Or perhaps you can’t really win. That’s the problem with autumn: you never know where you stand, because it just can’t make up its bloody mind.
Hold on to your ear muffs, Cumbria’s favourite fell-top polemicist, jigsaw enthusiast and woodland wanderer is back; this time to tackle a few seasonal myths (as in untruths, not female moths) and help keep your feet fellside-up during these tougher months. As we head into the darker evenings of Autumn and Winter, we recall the words of poet Dylan Thomas, “Do not go gentle into that good night…Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”, but Dylan Thomas didn’t know jack about fell running so here’s Bobby Gard-Storry instead.
Ahhh… autumn.
-umn as in ‘umm… can we just have a bit more summer, please?’, ‘umm… I’m not sure I want to go outside in that pouring rain’ and ‘umm… can’t we just skip to the snowy bit now?’.
It’s a confusing time. One moment it’s 20 degrees and you’re basking in glorious evening sunshine as you skip merrily along, golden leaves fluttering about your head. Then before you know it, it’s pitch black at half-past five, and somehow managing to sleet down your back and up your nose at the same time.
For those of us who work outside, it’s a painful time of year. I can either take the awful days off, and suffer while I run, or take the nice days off, and suffer while I work. In all cases, mud features heavily. So is it any wonder that instead of slaving away out there with cracked fingers and numb toes, you find me here at the keyboard instead, imparting my vast autumnal running wisdom to you all?
Just like all the best snippets of fortune cookie nonsense, each of my recommendations has an equally convincing – and some would say completely contradictory – piece of advice. But if they do say that, you can tell straight away that they’re not an ‘autumn person’, because that’s just the way that autumn is: confusing, tumultuous, liminal. It can’t make up its mind.
So sit back with a cup of whatever sugary concoction barely identifiable as coffee that they’re serving in the coffee shops this time of year, and play a quick game of ‘choose your own (autumn) adventure’ with me.
1a. Be Wimpy, Start Really Warm
You heard me.
Okay, at the height of summer, when a slight breeze ruffles your hair as you step out of the car, the appropriate reaction is to pull yourself together and just get going, because those short shorts and vest are going to feel pretty toasty in a few minutes’ time.
But in the darker months, trying to convince yourself to start cold is just a recipe for not leaving the house at all. If what it takes to get you trotting down the lane is donning an insulated jacket and earmuffs, then do it, and just take a bag with you, knowing very well that within five minutes you’ll be ready to rip that top off like Hulk Hogan entering the wrestling ring.
After all, it’s important to understand that ‘be bold, start cold’ requires you to use your willpower, which is a finite resource. If it’s pitch black and freezing cold when the alarm goes off to start the day, you’ll be much better-off saving that precious willpower for dealing with Joanne from the office, when she emails you at 4:50pm to ask you to ‘please action this today’. Jokes on you Joanne: this morning I went for a run in fleece-lined leggings with a hot-water-bottle strapped to my back, so aint nothing gonna bring me down today.
Ninety percent of the fight is just getting out the door.
1b. Go Forth and Endure
But don’t molly-coddle yourself. The world is a cold, hard place, and the sooner you get used to that, the better.
As soon as you feel that first real snap in the air, you pack up your camping gear and you damn well go out there and you pitch that tent and you bloody well lie there in the cold trying to sleep, and you listen to that wind flapping the flysheet corner that you didn’t quite peg out correctly, and you taste that drip of snot running from your nose…
Because Winter Is Coming. So you’d best be ready for it.
2a. Take A Break
Yes, there are late summer ultras. Yes, there are fell running relays. And yes, there are short winter race series to be had. But isn’t it time for a rest, for heavens’ sake? If there is ever a time to dial things down a bit, it’s at the back-end of the year, when your body will presumably be crying out for mercy after a summers’ relentless pummelling.
Running is a choice, and there is no shame in choosing not to do it, for a little while, or a long while. Life moves in cycles, and if a re-balance is needed, there is no better time than now. Contrary to what grindset culture might have you believe, taking a day, a week or even a month ‘off’ doesn’t mean that you’re giving up, or that you lack ambition. Your preparations for whatever it is you want to do next can – and will – wait.
Unless of course you’ve timed everything perfectly to build up to the highlight of the fell racing year, on the final weekend of October, in which case…
2b. Do the OMM
As much as it pains me to concede the point to my corporate overlords, the Original Mountain Marathon is actually quite a special event, which will brings you face to face with some of the harshest and most challenging conditions you could ever hope to find in whatever godforsaken corner of these islands the organisers have chosen to drag us all to.
Doing a thing like the OMM will make you feel alive, and possibly by the end of the weekend – after the billionth mile of tussock hopping and the umpteenth false summit – make you feel like you’d quite like to try living a very different kind of life. Perhaps one that doesn’t involve trench foot. But don’t worry, just like having children, this negative feeling will fade before it’s time for the next one.
I haven’t actually been asked to include anything to do with the brand in this article. I just fear that if I don’t, the powers that be at OMM HQ might start questioning whether there is any actual useful content for their customers in these articles, or whether they’re just wall-to-wall fluff. And if you do enjoy wall-to-wall fluff (at a superb weight to warmth ratio) you really should check out their snazzy range of fleeces…>will that do?<
3a. Get Fast
Think about it. The faster you go, the warmer you will be, and the quicker you’ll get back home to escape the never-ending malaise of murk and mud. Forget about all those long summer days spent scampering across the high tops as carefree as a bird; autumn is the time to knuckle down and get quick. Short, sharp, intense runs. Words like ‘intervals’, ‘efforts’ and ‘reps’ come to mind (but you’ll have to consult someone who actually knows about running to explain to you what they involve).
By the time Christmas rolls around, you’ll be at the absolute pinnacle of your fast-twitch powers, right in time to stop running entirely for two weeks, gorge yourself on cheese and crackers, put on a few kilograms via intimate knowledge of the chocolate box, and feel as though the only sport you could manage right now is some rolling around of your own.
Or you could just avoid all that silly speedwork entirely, and focus on…
3b. All About The Bass
…base. The sleepier months of the calendar are indeed the time when dreams are made. Every springtime finish line reached, every summertime trophy hoisted aloft, every weekend adventure enjoyed throughout the lighter days, are all only possible because of the mindless miles put in over the endless weeks of autumn and winter. Contrary to what your circadian rhythms are trying to tell you, this is the moment to up the mileage, and slowly but surely construct a foundation of fitness as solid as the mountains themselves.
Aren’t the inspiration-peddlers and success-gurus always talking about committing to ‘the process’ these days? I think they mean that doing lots of boring stuff now lays the groundwork for a little bit of really great stuff later. Annoyingly, they’re mostly right about that. And on that note…
4a. Get Comfortable In Your Rut
It’s the time of year to accept that inspiration might not strike. You may well find yourself falling into slightly tedious running routines, treading the same ground again and again. That’s ok. You’re allowed to have comfort routes, for the times when motivation is low.
And in the service of turning lemons into lemonade (or uh, pumpkins into pumpkin lattes?), this monotony can serve as perfect mental endurance training. As you complete your very own version of the Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence Race around your local park, you may be hard-pressed to remember exactly what benefit this is bringing you, or why you even care about running at all. Never fear: doubt is the first step on the path to enlightenment. Embrace the trudge. Embrace the darkness. Focus on the little disc of light cast by the beam your headtorch, and just run.
4b. Change It Up!
But don’t just do the same thing all the time. Boring!
Embrace the autumn-ness of the autumn! Seek out broadleaf woodlands to explore, revel in the suddenly bracken-free slopes of a route that you could barely see just a few months ago, and get excited for the winter to come. Notice what’s new about familiar places (and practice your nav in them). Every season has its charms, after all, and its opportunities for change. Whatever you did in the summer, time to throw things in the air a bit, and see what happens.
It seems that prevailing running wisdom encourages us to think of ourselves as running ‘farmers’. Farmers have a plan: they know what’s coming up and what time of year, and they prepare in advance for it, they hedge their bets against potential losses, and look for small improvements.
But maybe this autumn, you should try being a running hunter-gatherer instead.
Hunter-gatherers find what they need as they need it, they trust that their surroundings will provide for them, they feast when the opportunity arises, and just try to survive the lean times. To put this in running terms: worry about the ‘plan’ later, instead do what feels good, fun, right, exciting or possible, right now. It’s the perfect time of year to loosen up and experiment.
5. Be Ready
Last but not least, be ready. There’s no flipside to this one, it’s just common sense. It’s colder, it’s wetter, it’s darker: so take a warm layer, take your waterproofs, take a torch.
I think maybe the Americans call it Fall because that’s exactly what we do at this time of year. The rocks are wet and slippy. The leaves are wet and slippy. And the icy patch always strikes where you least expected it. So it’s important to remember that it’s not about what you need with you while you’re happily trotting along, it’s about what you need with you when you’ve broken your leg and have to sit down and wait for a couple of hours until help arrives.
Any reputable brand will be able to provide you with the layers and the kit that you need. But a mountain rescue member who’s a good friend of mine did let slip that the waterproofs which look the most fetching while you lie on the stretcher, are OMM waterproofs. They scream ‘I’m a very competent mountain person’ to your rescuers. Which is presumably something that they might need convincing of in that particular moment. Just saying.
(Please note, my Mountain Rescue friend said nothing of the sort. Mountain Rescuers do not usually attribute accidents to a lack of competence. They also do not discriminate based on the brand of your kit. But the outdoor fashionistas do, and surely the only thing worse than personal injury is injury to ones’ reputation for good taste?)
So get out there!
Or, you know, don’t.
Because sometimes at this time of year it’s absolutely disgusting weather, and instead of getting out there, you could sit at home in your slippers, with a brew, and scroll mindlessly through the OMM blog, chortling hysterically at what this absolute comedian of a man has said now. You will have an infinitely more enjoyable time… and yet somehow feel worse about yourself.
Either you go for a run and feel smug, but cold. Or you stay in and feel guilty, but warm. Either way, you can’t really lose. Or perhaps you can’t really win. That’s the problem with autumn: you never know where you stand, because it just can’t make up its bloody mind.
If you have a story to tell, whether it’s from the OMM, another race or challenge or just how you use our kit, get in touch! Just pop an email to james@team-ark.com and who knows, you might just earn yourself some free kit!
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